Parents As Role Models

As parents, we are the biggest role models for our kids. And actions always speak louder than words, so kids will learn by example much more so than by what we tell them.  There are plenty of things we need to think about modeling for our kids, but in my opinion, the best gift we can possibly give to our kids is to model for them how people who love and respect each other are supposed to treat each other.  Of course, this would require two parents who are both very conscious about what that means, which is many times not the case.

In my house, that is clearly not the case, and that has been eating away at me over the years.  If I could go back in time and choose a spouse who understands that a healthy relationship requires mutual respect and admiration, trust, having each other’s back, presenting a united front and supporting each other in front of the kids, listening to each other, compromise, sometimes putting your partner’s needs and happiness above your own, and so on, then maybe I would.  But I can’t.  So now I am worried that my kids will not have the skills and understanding that is necessary to have healthy relationships.  I certainly hope they can learn by example of what not to do, but I am not going to hold my breath on that thought. I do talk to them about all of these things, but it is difficult to teach them without a partner who can model them with me.

I’m not perfect, and I don’t always follow my own advice, but I am at least aware of that and am consciously trying to make improvements where I can.  With any luck, the kids actually ARE listening to me and will remember at least some of the advice I have shared with them about what I think is necessary for a healthy relationship.  Hopefully, they appreciate my perspective, at least a little bit.  I hope you will appreciate my perspective as well, since I will be sharing that advice and more in posts to come.  Stay tuned!

~Allison

Hello All!  Leon here….

Parents ARE role models to their children.  From my perspective, with two boys, I am the forefront of being their role model.  Not only do I want to show the kids how my wife and I should respect each other in our relationship, but I feel that it’s imperative to show them how to act as part of the male species, and in turn show them how to act as men. I’m showing and telling them what is the proper way to present themselves in this manner.  I have my bad days.  My guard fails at times (as anyone with  a significant other can attest to), but I try to maintain respect for my wife at all times. For example, I don’t argue with my wife in front of the kids.  And I try not to say anything bad about my wife in front of the kids.  There has been a few times when I did, and I immediately apologized.  Never put your kids in a situation where they feel they need to choose a side (a topic for a future blog).

Men, take my words into consideration while raising your boys. Show your wife the respect she deserves and that will seep into your little men.  That lesson alone will go a long way in bringing up respectable young men.

Whether you know it or not, your kids are looking at what you are doing ALL THE TIME. What you do, reflects on what they do.  Have you ever muttered the words, “OMG. I’m turning into my mother/father!”  I know you have!  That’s proof that your parents’ behaviors affected you. So know that you are affecting your kids….They are watching!

~Leon

Perspectives

So much of life is a matter of perspective.  Here are just a few examples:

1. When we are young, we can’t wait to be an adult so we can enjoy the privileges of adulthood. But when we get there and have to deal with all of the responsibilities as well, we realize being a kid wasn’t so bad.

2. When it is wintertime, we can’t wait for summer to roll around, but come July we are complaining about the heat.

3. Where I live, fifty degrees feels balmy in April but feels downright chilly in September.

4. We count down the days until we can leave for a vacation, but by the time it is over, we are glad to be home.

5. When we are dealing with the toddler years, we secretly wish for the kids to be older so that they can do more for themselves.  Fast forward a few years and we wish they could be toddlers again so they wouldn’t talk back so much.

6. We might think our house is messy until we walk into someone else’s.

7. A stay-at-home mom might spend all week looking at house projects that need to be done and is waiting for the weekend to roll around in order to work on them, yet her husband who has been working all week is probably looking forward to relaxing on the weekends.

8. Young adults sometimes value things like their job, paycheck, and possessions more than spending time with friends and relatives, but older people usually value relationships more than the other things.

9. Our kids might drive us nuts, but after being without them for a few days, we miss all the chaos.

10. A family of four or five might seem small to someone who comes from a large family, but to an only child might seem like a houseful.

11. We might think we know what it would be like to walk in someone else’s shoes for a day until we actually have to do it and realize we had no clue.

12. A year seems like an eternity to a five year old, but it seems to go by in an instant to a fifty year old.

13. We sometimes have a certain image of what kind of a person someone is when we first meet him or her, only to realize after we get to know them that we were way off base.

14. We might be feeling like we were dealt a bad hand at life, but when we think about all the people who have bigger problems than we do, then our life doesn’t seem so bad.

15. “An hour sitting with a pretty girl on a park bench passes by like a minute, but a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour,” ~Albert Einstein

Some things are not so difficult to see from another perspective, while others take quite a while or may not ever sink in.  And some people are good at putting themselves in other people’s shoes, while others need more practice with this skill.  If only we could have the power to filter things through the perspective of looking back from the future.

~Allison

perspective2

Welcome to a New Perspective…..

My friend Allison and I were talking one day, as we always did, just about everyday…through email and text mostly.  We always had something to say about what was going on with our spouses, with our children, and with people in general.  The funny thing is we usually have similar things going on in our lives, or reoccurring issues that we talk about again and again. I’m not really sure when it all happened, but one day I said to her, “We should write a blog.  I think SOMEONE could benefit from what we are talking about, even if we don’t!”

At that point I think we started coming up with things that we would talk about.  Stuff we’ve already discussed over and over again, but thought would make an interesting read for an audience.  After a bit of writing and planning we bring you to this site!

Welcome! We are happy to bring you some fun, interesting reads.  We hope you get a lot out of coming to our site.  Please feel free to comment~

Just to give you an idea of what your are dealing with here….Allison and I are both married…not to each other, and we have kids to boot!   We have been great friends for a very long time.  We will try to stay as general as possible when discussing different scenarios, but sometimes it is difficult to stay general.  Especially when the story is a juicy one. We hope that you all get something out of our stories and examples, for I know a lot of what we’ve experienced over the years have been both joyous and heartbreaking.

So let’s begin our journey, shall we?

~Leon